Jimmy Choo and my fat, flat, wide feet.

Today I have a story for you about designer shoes... and using experiences against ourselves.

I love shoes. Adore them. I see them as marvelous little works of art designed to adorn my feet. So you can imagine my excitement when I was about 23 and had an opportunity to try on (with the absolute intention of buying) a pair of Jimmy Choos.

And learned the terrible truth that I had very wide, flat feet.

Rude!

Instead of just recognizing that the template the designer used was a different type of foot to mine... I remember immediately going to the mental space of “SEE! I'm not thin enough. I'm not good enough to wear these shoes” which was my default judgment of myself at that stage.

But it was also ridiculous because

1- I was a size 2 and

2- being thin does not change the bone structure of my goddamn feet!

Never the less, because I already believed I wasn't good enough, I used the experience as evidence that I wasn’t one of THOSE women.

I didn't have dainty feet.

Which meant I wasn’t elegant.

And therefore not stylish enough and not worthy of wearing the beautiful and ridiculously impractical designer shoes my little magpie heart wanted.

It was devastating proof that I would never be good enough.

I bought into the message that only important and worthy people wore those kinds of shoes. And of course, that means that only the worthy have dainty feet.

Who decided that THIS was the measure of whether or not I was good enough?!?!

Me. That’s who.

Nowadays I recognize the power that a negative self-belief has, because it allows us to interpret literally ANY experience in a way that minimizes and belittles ourselves.

I laugh now but at the time it seemed so true! Because our brains are always seeking an explanation or to create a framework for the intangible.

The concept of “worthy” HAS no real benchmark so we make it up! The shoe example is an easy-to-spot bullshit version of it, but the way in which we do it can be super sneaky.

It might sound like

It’s my job to make sure my family are always happy.

Being productive makes me valuable to Society.

I have to be the one who does everything.

Or my personal favorite… no one will take you seriously if you’re fat.

But all of these stories are just that.

Stories.

Stories that we hear and take on board because our brains are desperately seeking some kind of manual for "How to be good enough and accepted".

It feels safe if there are rules to follow.

And because the rules aren't real... it makes them up.

We just forget that we don't have to follow those rules. We don't have to agree with them.

That a shoe is just a shoe.