Who am I waiting for permission from?!
I was thinking this morning about something a client said to me a while back, about how she felt like she was always waiting for permission.
I've been pondering that for a couple weeks now, while remembering feeling exactly the same way and just how lost and frustrated I felt because of it.
I used to have this belief that the only opportunities I would get in life would come from other people. I had no power of my own, other people had to give me what I wanted.
I just had to work hard and be patient and then I would eventually be seen and someone would say
"Oh hey! You deserve to get what you want... here you go. You're allowed to have it now."
As though someone else would be the one to give me the "Go Ahead!" to make my life what I wanted it to be.
And it seeped into so many aspects of my life, because not only did I wait for permission for opportunities, but I waited for the ok for almost everything that I wanted to be able to do for myself! From small things like how I choose to eat to big ones like what to do with my life!
I needed someone else to tell me it was ok and the right decision.
I realized with some horror in my last year of being employed, that at 36 I had only ever asked for a pay rise once in my life, when I was 17 and discovered that my colleague was making twice what I did. And I got yelled at (literally) for it and told I wasn’t worth it.
So I never asked again. I just waited for someone else to give me permission to make more money by offering it.
Early on in my marriage I used to find myself waiting for my husbands permission to decide how to spend my time, like he needed to tell me it was ok to do things that only I wanted to do. And even to do things without him.
Whenever I spent money on myself I always used to feel like I should have asked someone if it was ok first.
Like who the hell was I supposed to ask?!?! My mother?
And now I see this permission seeking behavior in so many of my clients.
When they ask
"Can I really schedule my day like that?"
"Is it really ok if I don't want to go on vacation with extended family?!"
"Can I truly just decide to change careers?!"
or my personal favorite...
"Are you seriously telling me I can just choose who I want to become?"
Yes my darlings, yes.
There is NO ONE you need permission from. There is NO ONE who is better qualified to decide your life than you. There is NO ONE who can tell you what is the right thing for you.
And if you believe that someone out there has the right to give you permission, you're either going to be waiting a long time OR you're going to find your decisions made for you by the beliefs and decisions of others.
