You don't owe anyone an explanation.

I have a real love-hate relationship with Facebook, but it's been a valuable tool for me. It's taught me the skill of walking away from conversations without explanation.

As women, we tend to over-explain ourselves constantly. We're socialized to justify our thoughts and decisions in so many ways, whether it's with big things like why we want or don't want children, or something as small as why we don't feel like smiling at strangers.

We're told it's not enough to just want or do something, we need to justify it. And we often work so hard at trying to explain ourselves to someone else's satisfaction that's its exhausting.

And I've decided that it's nonsense.

Just yesterday an acquaintance commented on something I posted with a complete assumption that was 100% wrong and not really related to what I has posted. And told me "Well you need to clarify that in your presentation of it."  

It was interesting to watch my brain flare up with an immediate desire to over explain and justify why I had said things the way I had.

But then I went into my "Actually, No." energy, hid the comment and just walked away.

My brain likes to offer complex excuses when I feel like people are criticizing me, or when I don't want to do something which will mean letting people down. It wants to explain things several times in different ways to make absolutely sure that I'm 100% understood and there's no room for misunderstanding.  It wants to justify everything in a way that makes me feel safe and not upset or offend anyone.

But the truth is that no matter what I do, most of that is out of my hands.

What people choose to think about me, is not under my control and its none of my business.

No matter how much I explain or justify something... they might STILL think exactly what they choose to think.

And I'd only be doing it to try manipulate what they think of me.

Over explaining and justifying is people pleasing.  It's graspy, desperate and dishonest.
And I'm not here for that anymore.

One of the greatest things you can do for your peace of mind is just let a conversation be.
 

I like to remind myself that the only person who has to be ok with what I do and why, is me.

I get to decide what happens in my life and why.
I get to chose to say no, or leave a job, or not attend a party.

Or not respond to someones comment.

Or not be connected with people that I don't want to be connected to.

And so do you.
You get to just decide. "This is my decision and I'm happy with it."
And you don't owe anyone an explanation.