What other people think... is actually not about me AKA Why I was planning on leaving town.

Last week I had a situation where I accidentally discovered that I was being discussed over email in some rather unpleasant terms.

And I had a massive meltdown.

It was 11 pm at night, and so naturally instead of going to bed and dealing with it the next day…

I stayed awake and brooded over it till 4 am.

My brain and I went all the way from “I’ve been betrayed” to “I’ll just move to another town” (yes I literally had this thought) and everything in between.

I even drafted a very long, very angry email to everyone involved.

And when I was done with my poor me, pity party drama, I finally took a moment to step away from it, and was totally honest with myself.

It wasn’t really a big deal.

But it had pushed all the buttons.

You know, the ones that say “nobody likes me” or my personal favorite “why is everyone always out to get me?” That one is always a fun time in my head.

Those buttons have a big ol label on them that reads THINGS IM SECRETLY AFRAID ARE TRUE ABOUT ME.

So once I got over myself and looked honestly at my own fears about what it meant that people were talking about me, I realized something.

While there were a few things that I did need to own up to and resolve, most of the conversation wasn’t even about me!

Sure it was being discussed like it was me, but in truth, most of it was about THEIR OWN thoughts and fears.

And there are two reasons why this is important.

1- I stopped torturing myself with my drama about how everyone hated me. Because mentally punching yourself in the face doesn’t actually do a damn bit of good.

2- I was able to resolve it directly with those people without drama and without more hurt feelings.

As a result of being able to own my part in the situation, and then having open honest conversations where I wasn’t on the defensive or taking other people's fears personally, I ended up getting to know those people so much better and being able to trust them so much more.

Relationships were strengthened instead of destroyed.

A VERY different outcome from the one my brain had mapped out at 2am which resulted in me firing everyone, quitting on a project or leaving town!

What this taught me is that, while it can be incredibly difficult not to get upset about other people's behaviors, even in the most challenging situations, it’s still my choice as to how I react, how I chose to feel, and what I make it all mean.

Because sometimes, often, it’s actually not about us.

It’s about what’s going on in other people's heads… and THAT is not our problem.