Why bubble baths arent cutting it on the self care front

Self care is such a loaded topic for women. It comes with some of the most ridiculous prescriptions for what it looks like, think candle lit baths and pedicures. 

Now there's nothing wrong with enjoying a nice long hot soak in the tub but more and more I feel like the self care “rituals” that we are sold are really a distraction from what's actually causing this frantic narrative of self care that seems to be seeping into every conversation about women’s wellness. 

Recently a woman said to me “I seem to always be doing things for everyone else, to my own detriment”. Almost every woman I have ever worked with has expressed something similar. 

And it made me think about the years that I’ve spent working in not for profit environments where people are constantly on the verge of burnout. Every person does their job, and then picks up whatever other slack there is. Often people are poorly supported in their roles, almost invariably poorly paid, and largely managing unrealistic expectations. 

And it hit me. 

Women are a not for profit industry

Capable of taking on way more than what’s in the job description. Never being adequately compensated. Often without adequate support and keeping it up way past the point of insanity and burnout.

As women, we often either don't have boundaries when it comes to how much of ourselves we are willing to burn up in the pursuit of managing careers, homes, families and social lives. 

And of course there’s just an assumption that if you’re a “good woman” you’ll burn yourself out for others out of the goodness of your heart.

The expression “A woman's work is never done, is a testament to what we allow ourselves to accept. Sacrifice and self neglect.

Because if you don't, you're just selfish.

Or don't have your shit together.

You’re not good enough. 

But instead of being encouraged to define what our true priorities are, and creating boundaries around what we are and aren't willing to do without killing ourselves

AND believing that it’s OK...

Instead we’re offered the illusion that a bubble bath and treating ourselves will somehow address this gaping need that we have to have our OWN needs satisfied. 

Which in itself is rather tragic. If we’re so deeply over-committed and exhausted by everything we feel we have to take on, that carving out 15 minutes to have a cup of coffee alone or throw on a face mask is considered luxurious… it’s a HUGE red flag that our basic needs aren't being met. 

And I want to offer that it's about bloody time we took our own needs seriously. 

After all, how can you become the person you truly desire to be in this life, if you spent it circling around the drain of overwhelm and burnout. 

What would be different in your life if you had the confidence to say:
 

“This is what I want and what I’m willing to do”

“My value as a human is NOT tied to how much I can squeeze into a day”

“I am 1000x more effective when my needs are taken care of”

What would that feel like?

I’d like to challenge you to try even just one of those things over the next week. 

And once your brain has stopped yelling at you about what a terrible idea that is and how everything will fall apart and everyone will be mad…

Let yourself just sink into it and see what changes.