Personal Growth Is A Recipe For Burn Out

Most of us get into personal development because we want to feel better. We want to be happier, less stressed, more focused…

So it’s always ironic when I hear someone say “I'm just too aware of myself now! It's exhausting.”

I have a client who at least once a quarter asks me “Would it be easier to just settle and be mediocre?”

And sometimes the answer is yes.

The biggest misconception with personal growth is the bright shiny fantasy the marketing offers. The “Happy successful person” trope.

Yes, personal growth can help you be happier, it absolutely can help you be more successful, but that's only one side of the experience.

It’s also going to make you miserable.

What we neglect to tell people entering the personal growth space is that you are going to spend a significant amount of your time being pushed out of your comfort zone. Done well and done consistently, you're going to live on your growth edge and that does not feel good!

It’s like committing to heavy lifting every day or some extreme workout every day, you are going to be sore in one way or another all the time!

Unfortunately because we do have this fantasy idea that we should be happy shiny people 24/7 when we do feel the discomfort and pain of growth, we start to panic and think we’re doing something wrong.

And since this space tends to be a demographic of overachievers, we double down into it. We push harder, forcing ourselves further into discomfort. Leaning into more pressure to “fix” ourselves so that the discomfort will ease.

It's too easy to become hyper-focused on the flaws, the unhelpful patterns and broken programming, as though we ourselves are broken. Which leads to a cycle of self judgement and weaponising our growth tools against ourselves, because we are utterly convinced that there is something we must “fix” before we are allowed to just BE. We also tend to become so highly aware of ourselves, our thoughts and feelings that we are constantly in a state of self evaluation. We expend huge amounts of time and energy on “watching ourselves” that it’s often overwhelming.

So I want to offer you this.

Just stop.

You are a soul of fire who is going to burn bright and push hard no matter what, but all things need balance. All things need their opposite.

The harder you push, the more you need to care for yourself. The more discomfort you're putting yourself in, the more you need to tend your nervous system.

The bigger your growth spurt, the more you need to take off the pressure and allow yourself to rest.

Our personal growth and our goals are only one side of us. We need to remember that our happiness, our success and our life is happening right now. We need to make space for it now, flaws and all. Because there isn't more life when we reach our goals or miraculously banish all our imperfections.

Your life is also now. As you are.