What if there’s nothing wrong with you?

I remember the day I realized that there was nothing wrong with me like it was yesterday. It made me so mad.

It was the day that I realized everything I believed was a problem in my life could apparently be solved by buying something. But I had been buying and it wasn't working.

I felt like my body wasn't good enough, but I could buy a gym membership and Spanx.

My face wasn't good enough, but hooray for skincare and makeup.

I wasn't popular or cool, but I could buy alcohol, nice clothes and fancy experiences.

No matter what I thought was wrong with me, there was a product, service or expert I could spend money on in order to fix myself and finally feel accepted.

Except I didn’t feel any different.

I dieted and worked out till I got to a size 2. Spent lord knows how much money on clothes, shoes, and partying. I got therapy. I changed friends. Jobs. Bought more stuff. Read literally HUNDREDS of self help books. Took up new cooler hobbies. Bought more stuff. Dyed my hair.

When I think of how much time, money and emotional energy I have wasted over the years trying to fix what I thought was wrong with me, it makes me feel sick.

Because one day I realized that there was actually nothing was wrong with me. There was nothing to “fix.” I had simply BELIEVED there was something wrong

Every single human being has a deep rooted fear of rejection. It's primal, because if the tribe rejects us, we become vulnerable to the elements, wild animals and whatever other dangers lie outside of the safety of the cave.

So we spend a lot of time trying to be good enough. Trying to fit in. So that we are safe.

and in 1955 when America was trying to rescue its economy from the devastation of the second world war, economist Victor Lebow had this to say about it…

““Our enormously productive economy demands that we make consumption our way of life, that we convert the buying and use of goods into rituals, that we seek our spiritual satisfactions, our ego satisfactions, in consumption.”

Which in very simple language means, exploit peoples basic human needs and fears in a way that makes them buy stuff, stuff and more stuff. Make them feel like the answers can be found in things we can buy.

A whole part of our culture has developed to profit from our most basic human fears.

Pretty fucking sneaky if you ask me.

But back to my point…

In 14 years of coaching, I have never met a single person who DOESN’T think there is something wrong with them. No matter how successful, beautiful, thin, popular, talented. (or any other descriptor we believe will fix the problem)

It doesn't matter. We all have it. It's hardwired in.

But something interesting happens when you finally accept that it's programming, not TRUTH. When you do the work to let go of those fears, things get so much easier.

You stop trying to fix yourself and instead get excited about evolving.

You stop trying not to struggle and start to live a better life.

You start to evolve and grow and succeed from a place of acceptance and inspiration.

You stop judging yourself. You stop hating yourself and instead accept that you are unique and fascinating.

Because when you let go of your fears, you discover that what we really want is connection and authenticity.

With ourselves and others.

And you can't get that through judgment and consumption.